Fucking Hell!! Cibai!!! And I Should've Known And Handle It Better, Well It Went Better Than Usual

Damn shit sial! Aku memang bengang gila kali ni. Dengan bos yang macam haram(ni memang fakta lama, bukan penemuan baru), rakan sekerja yang aku anggap kawan dan aku ingat takkan nak menyusahkan aku tabi sebaliknya cuma tahu nak jaga bontot sendiri sahaja, serta kursus yang macam cibai. Fucking Hell man! Bodoh!! Bodoh!! Bodoh!!!ARGHHH!!!!!! Aku sangat marah aku dan aku nak minum Coke ditambah dengan sedikit garam(ini agak bahaya sebab mungkin aku mengkondisi psikologi diriku agar setiap kali aku marah, minum minuman berkarbonat, tambah garam pulak tu!). Tapi aku memang tak nafikan, memang sedap giler bila minum Coke atau yang sewaktu dengannya tambah garam. Aku baru test Coke dan Pepsi Light, rasanay lebih lemak dan tak cukup satu woooo.. Dah, dah,  jauh pulak aku menyimpang dari jalan yang benar, eh dari topik sebenar. Kemarahan aku terhadap kawan sekerja yang macam lubang anus serta kebolehan aku dalam menangani atau lebih tepat lagi mencegah berlakunya stress.

Bukan aku tak marah pasal benda lain, aku memang ada tak puas hati dan marah dengan kursus yang aku pergi bermula semalam sehingga Jumaat ini, cuma ini sahaja aku boleh buat satu posting(atau sekerat posting, tapi panjang la jugak). Bercakap pasal kursus, aku tak tau malaon mana dari jabatan aku yang menguruskan pemilihan pengajar; memang BANGANG!!!!!! Macam tangkap muat jer cari pusat latihan, tak tau la main rembat sahaja atau termakan cakap wakil syarikat yang memberikan kursus, atau bodoh nak mampos tak reti nak pilih elok sikit!!!! BABII!!!!!!! Aku memang cakap tak nak cakap pasal kursus, oleh sebab itu, aku list je sebab musabab yang patut buat aku naik angin!

• Pilihan pusat kursus yang macam GAMPANG!!!!! Ada ke komputer dalam bilik latihan terpampang mesej sistem pengoperasian tidak tulen?!!! WTF!!! Apa jimak kah pusat kursus sengkek sangat ker sampai pakai perisian tak tulen a.k.a. pirated operating software. Dodgy giler!!!!
• Pengajar yang macam tak biasa jer dengan teknologi yang nak diajar. Mau pakai Power Shell pun macam tak biasa!!! WTF!!!!!! Macam mana laaa boleh syarikat tu lantik dia ni?!! Tak payah pun sebab dia, sebab $$$$$. Kursus ni mahal, sebab guna teknologi Microsoft, partnership, bayar lebih RM3000 satu peserta tapi cam haprak jer trainer. Macam tak biasa. Boleh lak kutuk2 syarikat yang mengeluarkan teknologi tu!! Ptuih!! Dah kutuk pastu ajar lagi, WTFF! Mujur la peramah.
• Idea siapa la nak guna teknologi ni? Tak tengok dulu keadaan rangkaian semasa di organisasi, macam mana pengurusan keselamatan IT, Active Directory, tau2 mau guna teknologi yang melangkau fungsi beberapa unit kecil dalam jabatan. Karang masa nak deploy software tu nanti memang haru, sebab yang pergi kursus tu orang2 pasukan development yang kebanyakannya cuma manage outsourced application. Bukan dari bahagian yang jaga pasal AD, network serta keselamatan. Bagus, nanti berceranggah sebab nak buat kerja kacau turf orang. Aku tak suka turf2 ni, tapi kalau kau nak guna software yang perlu kepakaran atau at least kerjasama orang lain buat la study dulu. Okay ke tak guna software tu. Jangan main terjah je bila ada idea bernas (tak, bukan semua idea dari kepala bos itu bernas, bos pun manusia, prone to brain fart) muncul dalam kepala otak, study dulu, FEASIBILITY IS THE KEY. Memang teorinya best, tapi kau mampu ke nak push orang supaya gunakan software ni?!!! Macam mana dengan server? Jangan nak tai-chi atau tambah kerja orang lain dah! Ye, aku cakap pasal bos unit yang handle kursus ni. Cam sesia pun ada aku rasa pergi kursus ni, baik aku duduk di pejabat, siapkan pengaturcaraan.
• Pilihan pusat kursus yang macam gampang!! Ye, ni kali kedua aku tulis, tapi tempatnya memang macam gampang, lain kali sila pilih training provider yang semenggah sikit. Duit keluar bukan sikit; memang sedap keluar dui kalau bukan dari poket kau, tapi tolong berbelanja secara berhemah. Jangan main taram jer main amik sebarang training center yang bagi flyer. Tempat training rumah kedai; nasib interior semenggah. Pastu orang dari company training tu macam tak biasa jer ada training kat situ. Nak buat-buat peramah pulak. FUCK THAT!!! I came here to be exposed to the technology, just give me a good trainer, good facilities, and decent food if you decided to provide some! I DONT FUCKING NEED HOSPITALITY, I DIDN'T CAME FOR THAT!!!!
• Ahli-ahli(sebahagian sahaja) yang datang training macam, ahhh fuck this point!! Pendek cerita aku rasa cam gampang lak kena pergi training dengan makcik2 yang dah hilang rasa nak kerja dan seorang pakcik yang galak nak mampus macam dah lama tak merasa kehangatan wanita. Kekadang aku pelik, memang korang sedar dan tahu kerja dengan organisasai ni gaji kecik, naik gaji sikit dan naik pangkat beberapa abad sekali, tapi kau dah buat keputusan nak kerja, kerja lah elok2. JANGAN SIBUK NAK BERFACEBOOK DAN CAKAP PASAL ANAK KAT OPIS. FUCK!!!! KO MASUK KERJA DENGAN ORGANISASI NI SEBAB NAK PENCEN, KERJA TAK LA GILA BABI SANGAT, PASTU TAK BUAT KERJA, KONON2 GAJI TAKKAN NAIK DAHHHH(kebanyakan guna sebab ni). FUCKING HELL!!!!! KO TAU TAK KO MENGHARAPKAN ORGANISASI BAYAR PENCEN, INGAT SIKIT KER??? DAH LA MEMANG SUSAH NAK MAMPUS KENA BUANG KERJA!!!! BUAT LA KERJA ELOK2. BABI KIMAK LAAA KORANG!!. Tak semena-mena aku tulis panjang pasal training pastu melencong kepada makcik2 ni.SHIT. Senang cerita untuk point ni, sila buat kerja anda. Anda telah bersetuju untuk bekerja dan tahu terang-terang, awal-awal yang anda akan bergaji ciput dan lambat naik pangkat. Naik pangkat pun sebab tahun berkhidmat, bukan pure performance. Tak sadar dek untung. Ah, this goes to all in the same organisation, not excluding me. The inital point of this point is going for training with old women who don't like their job and don't do feels like shit, mang.

Now, to my real first issue, shit colleague. Hey, I said to you "Kau pun nak buat complain jugak" this morning when I logged into the system that I'm maintaining. WTHell man?!! If you've got any problem with the system just talk to me, idiot. Don't go make it official, fuck shit! I know, you probably want to play safe, tell our boss that you've logged a report, but WTF man, my workstation is just next to yours. I don't want to make the office a warzone but when you do like this, I feel like you're betraying me just to safe your ass because of a small glitch in the system that's not even harmful. You can just log a comment for that, fuck shit! Now I know how much I could trust you. Babi, I can't believe it! And even if you didn't log any report you won't be in any trouble. YES, THAT'S WHY I'M VERY PISSED OFF BY YOUR FUCKING COMPLAINT IN THE FUCKING SYSTEM!!! YOU NEVER DID COMPLAIN BEFORE AND NOW I FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU'RE JUST SHITTING ME AND DID CAME LATE, FUCK NUT!!! I just hope I can control my temper when you are around. Good thing I'm not in the office this whole week. I'm gonna need some time to cool off, and I don't want to see your fucking face for some time or I'll rip your face off. Violently.

I just realised that I can't hope for people to accept me. I can't hope for someone to love me. I need to accept myself. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to spout some corny shitty stuff that you can read in a motivation book. What I'm saying is, I'm going to be me. It's different from being an asshole. As long as I think that how I conduct myself is rational, I don't give a fuck how people sees me. Fuck that. If I seem blunt and lack of tact, it's because I'm being honest. No, I'm not deliberately being an asshole, but I'm tired of playing this social dance. I'm tired of tip toeing around avoiding saying things people will disagree, avoiding the issue does not make it go away. What I'm trying to say is, if I think something is shitty, if I think you are shitty, that's my opinion. And I fully acknowledge that people might be blunt to me back. Heck, if that's the price for being myself, I'll gladly pay that. I'm not being an asshole on purpose, I'm just being me. Me who's tired of this much abused politeness. I've had enough of politeness used as excuse not to hurt anyone. If you want to be polite, you tell the truth, don't tone it down, don't say it like you're afraid, say it like how you need o say it. If you need to be angry while saying that, be angry. And never ever forget to have reason. The last few lines are just me talking to myself. I'm not going to tip toe anymore. FUCK THE ABUSE OF POLITENESS.

Ah, I've run out of steam, the anger has already subsided. I should've known better than to let myself go into stressed out mode. LOL, I forgot to stay calm and look properly. Oh well, at least I handled it better than before. Gonna be calm, not absent minded. Swift, not hurrying. Always ready. WTF? LOL!!!

Semoga esok lebih baik dari hari ini.